I had a crash out at work today. Lately, one of my bosses pissed me off. And they’ve been pissing me off since the beginning of this month.

On June 2nd, after our 2 hour manager meeting, I had approached my Chief Administrator and asked her if she would be making a return to the project she usually leads, but had to step back on, in June. She stepped back in February, and my staff, who typically help support this project asked if I could step in to provide some structure in the meantime. I agreed and ran things by my director (immediate supv) and my chief. They both agreed. My chief told me that she would return in June. Hence, why I went to speak to her….

But honestly, stepping into her shoes has not been easy - not because of the work or my staff, but because she’ll do things without telling me. Like randomly show up to meetings and question why I’m there - in front of everyone, even though we’ve talked about it. Or agree to things and then tell others, without talking to me about it. Now, while reading this, I’m wondering if maybe she wasn’t happy with me volunteering myself up to help with this project while she took a step back…maybe she didn’t like that. I don’t know.

Anyways, back to June 2nd. So yes, I asked my Chief if she’s coming back to the project and she turns to me and says with a smile and narrowed eyes, “Olivia, I really don’t like this at all.” Was it the way that I asked her? Did I seem annoyed?

I asked her what she meant. She said, I just don’t like this at all.

Not knowing where that train of the conversation was heading, I switched back to the topic at hand - and reminded her that she mentioned wanting to return back to this project, and asked her if she wanted to come back this month or next. I also mentioned that my staff member said that they may not have time during the upcoming project meeting on the 16th to review presentation content, and suggested scheduling another meeting. I told her that I would look for time available on her schedule and follow up.

I looked, spoke with my staff, and we decided to do the planning meeting without my chief and instead work on the content, and that way once she returned in July, she would come back with less to do. I followed up with an email and let her. She replied back several days later saying she appreciated it.

I meet with my director on Monday, who indicated that our chief would step back into the project in July and agreed to the plan. Then tell me why on Tuesday, June 16th, did I show up the project meeting and my staff member asked me, “hey is the chief coming to the meeting?” - I told her no. And then another staff member, Maya, said yes, she’s coming…..WHAT THE FUCK!!! I’m so tired of looking uneducated and out of the fucking loop. This isn’t just a meeting with internal staff but external as well. I’ve been trying my hardest to establish myself and learn for it to be constantly undermined.

I called my chief’s desk phone. She didn’t answer. I stormed into my directors office (so unlike me) and let out all of frustrations. And that didn’t even really help because my director literally asked if I even needed to be in the meetings to begin with… which is such a fucking slap in the face. We literally just met on Monday (it’s tuesday) and she told me to preceed as normal and attend the fucking meeting.

Like what the fuck am I not getting? What’s the missing piece that I can’t see but everyone else can?

After i was done, I left, and I ran straight into my chief. She seemed to be in good spirits, coming back from vacation, and then I said:

Me: Mary, I heard that you were coming to the project meeting today.

Mary: Oh, really? Who said that? (smiling)

I was counting to ten in my head.

Me: Maya said that you were coming.

Mary: yes, I decided to come. I had some free time.

Me: I said ok. Do you still want me to be there because I’m logged on?

Mary: Olivia, it’s okay. I can take over from now.

But she had the nerve to say it as if she’s relieving me. As if I’m the one that’s been hounding her because I want to be released from the shackles of this project - which I do…but I haven’t been hounding her.

Anyways, I had a complete crash out about it. I’m so fucking annoyed. People are ridiculous.

When I sat down and thought about why I was angry - it comes down to the lack of clear communication. I hate feeling like I’m out of the loop. I hate feeling like I missed something…. why was it so hard for her to communicate her intentions with me? - An email, a phone call or even a text would’ve worked.

I also hate feeling underappreciated it. I did something for her - that I didn’t have to do. I volunteered for more work, something I never do, because my staff member asked for support (which I communicated all of this to my chief)…..

Would it have killed her to say: “Thanks for covering this, Olivia. I take over starting June 16th.” Like what the fuck??!?!?

I also didn’t like the abrupt change to my schedule. I was prepared to attend this meeting and now I’m not…ok.

This whole situation makes me feel so fucking shitty. I just want to go home and lay down. And now I’m fucking crying. I literally get upset over any and everything. I should be jumping with joy about this project being off my hands, and I am happy. But I’m also annoyed too.

Olivia